Caffeinated Wombat Records

Hello. I have returned.

On with the ridiculous project of listed musical minutiae.
There are 26 songs in my iTunes library that are 2:16 in length. Artists range from Veggie Tales to Leftover Crack. Two tracks have "Love" in their title.

Mick's Top Five Songs with a Track Length of 2:16

5. "Brand New Key," Mad Tea Party
Yep. A cover of that slyly (or not-so?) sexual ditty by Melanie. A quirky, folksy one at that. Couldn't find a video of Mad Tea Party's version, but I did find this....RASPUTINA, of all bands, performing a live cover of the song. It seems such a bizarre pairing.


4. "Cold Light," Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Speaking of sex...



3. "I'm Walkin'," Fats Domino
One of my favorite pieces of early music trivia I learned when I was a kid was that Chubby Checker took his name as an homage to Fats Domino. I'd say he was fairly deserving of such adulation. Enjoy the virtual jukebox, complete with subpar audio.


2. "Pretty," The Cranberries
I love songs that feel stark. This is one that definitely fits that bill, punctuated with just enough ethereal warbling from Dolores O'Riordan... not so much as to be irritating.


1. "Wipe Out," The Surfaris
This song never fails to remind me of when I hit a tree skiing down a double black diamond hill for the one and only time in my life. I was forced to watch one of my skis complete the descent solo while I heard the denizens of the ski lift mimic the signature vocal found therein. I also remember watching my sixth grade homeroom teacher play the drums for this song.
Man, I love the sound of a vinyl record first being put on. This is a stupid video otherwise.

Inspired by a few different events in my life, I'm writing again. Today, I feel better than I have in a long time.
Let's get right to the music, shall we?
Back to my ridiculous track-length project. There are 33 songs in my iTunes at this track length.

Top Five Songs with a Track Length of 2:15

5. "Holiday Road," Lindsey Buckingham

As Diego has pointed out to me before, this is an excellent summer driving song. Kind of an odd video.

4. "Plastic Passion," The Cure

A cut from their excellent, sparse debut album, Boys Don't Cry. The video above is an early demo recording of the song, which sounds a lot like the later Cure song "A Night like This."

3. "Tequila," The Champs

This is another song connected to Diego in my mind, as I remember him at a wedding reception with a giant inflatable microphone...getting to occasionally mouth the title lyric at the behest of the DJ. Of course, I also connect this song to Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, due to the above scene.

2. "We Can Work It Out," The Beatles

It's hard not to put the Beatles at the top of any list, and this song is one of my favorites of theirs. How fortunate are we that McCartney and Lennon met?

1. "You Really Got Me," The Kinks

Rock and roll. Two power chords, repeated. Over and over. Simple lyrics that you can memorize in 3 or 4 listens. It's excellent for its simplicity, and because no one else did it first. I refuse to listen to the Van Halen version, though I respect that they paid tribute to the Kinks. This is one of the greatest songs in rock history.

Many of you know I give one standard present to all my friends every year in addition to whatever else I may give them. That present is a 2-disc set of my favorite songs of the year. I have a few rules in compiling my list. First, I do not allow myself to choose more than two songs by any one artist. Second, I am allowed to use songs from the last four months of the previous year if they did not come to my (or the general public's) attention until the current year, even if a song by the same artist (maybe even from the same album) was on the previous year's compilation.
With those rules in mind, this is a list of my top 40 songs of 2007. All these songs can be downloaded from either iTunes or (more often) eMusic. I will do you a favor and keep the comments short on each song.

40. "I'll Be Rested," Mavis Staples
A legend continues to churn out uplifting sounds.

39. "Salt Truck," Eleni Mandell
Perhaps this just strikes me because of the crazy winter we're having and the many salt trucks that have pelted my minivan with pellets. But I think it's more than that.

38. "All I Can Do," Chantal Kreviazuk
I love this singer. I promise it's not because of her dark hair and fair skin. I heard her voice long before I knew what she looked like and I loved it back then. Still love it now.

37. "When We Were Young," Dolores O'Riordan
The head Cranberry ventures out on her own. I think her solo album works precisely because it's not the Cranberries, though I did love that band. Again, it's more than just dark hair and fair skin here. Honestly.

36. "Don't Make Me a Target," Spoon
This Austin, TX band has quite a thing for catchy hooks and pop sensibility and any other record critic cliché you can imagine....in a good way. I swear.

35. "Dreaming of an M16," Shapes

How many bands do you see that have a bona fide pair of lead vocalists, one female and one male? That's what first drew me to this song, but the interesting upbeat anger is what kept me coming back.

34. "Blood for You," Spider Bags
Spoon's home of Austin is as trendy an indie-rock hotbed as Chapel Hill once was; that N.C. locale is where Spider Bags spin their strong alt-country threads.

33. "Wanderlust King," Gogol Bordello

My favorite (and as far as I know, to date, the only) gypsy punk band pens a paean to life on the road. Appropriate, no? The video can give you a tiny insight into the mania of their live performances. These guys are genuine punk rock stars now, but Eugene Hutz remains a man of his people.

32. "Hang Me Up to Dry," Cold War Kids
I can't say what really makes this song so appealing to me. I prefer the live recording to the studio version heard here. That's a rarity for me.

31. "Knock 'Em Out," Lily Allen

Ever find yourself being approached at a bar by someone whom you'd never want approaching you anywhere? Lily Allen apparently has.

30. "Funtimes on the Frontline," The PoPo
Get the real song at eMusic. They have this weird electro-punk-funk thing with a bit of a Middle Eastern flavor thrown in. Stupid band name though.

29. "Silent Shout," The Knife

Very cool song that dominated my consciousness for the first two months of the year.

28. "You Don't Worry Enough," Adult.
Couldn't find any video for this song, which is not surprising. It's kinda out there.

27. "Chelsea Song #2," Dead Heart Bloom

Gotta love a song that has lines that sound like, "We won't swear ever again/ We won't let you fuck with our heads." It's very low-key considering that little foul-sounding bit.

26. "Atlas," Battles

Supercool extra-weird song. If you can figure out any of the vocals, let me know. Pretty cool video.

25. "Shadows," Honeycut

Really like this song. The lead singer in this TV recording makes me think Iggy Pop-meets-Mick Jagger.

24. "My Son, the Astronaut," Oppenheimer
A song that has come to mean something very important to me. These guys opened for TMBG when I saw them in January and this was their first number.

23. "Imitosis," Andrew Bird

A cool multi-instrumentalist introduced to me by my supercool musical acquaintance (friend?) Jillian. I love this song's straightforward sadness: "We were all basically alone, despite what all the studies have shown. What was mistaken for closeness was just a case for mitosis."

22. "The Ground," Mendetz

Mendetz could be The Faint in an alternate universe, which must be why I really like this song.

21. "The Mesopotamians," They Might Be Giants
Only TMBG could work Hammurabi, Gilgamesh and two other ancient historical figures seamlessly into a fictional band....and write a song about it.

20. "1816, the Year Without a Summer," Rasputina

My favorite new discovery of the year, I'd have to say, is this rock band with a dual cello attack and extensive costuming. Strange song that references Mary Shelley, the Freemasons and Benjamin Franklin.

19. "Ultimate," Gogol Bordello

This does give you a bit of an idea of just how much energy these guys have live. This is actually quite a tame performance by their standards. I love the basic sentiment of this song: "There were never any good old days. They are today, they are tomorrow. It's a stupid thing we say, cursing tomorrow with sorrow."
If you want more of an idea of how weird this favorite band of mine can be, check this out:

Have you ever seen such an eclectic group of people on stage together?

18. "I'm Impressed," They Might Be Giants

One of my favorite videos of the year above. The most violently, uniquely animated anti-Bush music video you'll ever see.

17. "Moonglow, Lamp Low," Eleni Mandell
She truly sounds as if she is singing in a bygone era. Perfect B&W movie accompaniment.

16. "Here (in Your Arms)," Hellogoodbye
This was the second song that grabbed me this year. I saw the band perform live on The Tonight Show and was struck by the vocoder vocals and their jumpy dance moves on a balloon-covered stage.

15. "Icky Thump," The White Stripes
Any list I ever make will have a White Stripes song in it if it's at all possible.

14. "Aluminum City," Honeycut

Takes a lot for an instrumental song to make it onto my best-of-the-year compilation. This one made it all the way into the top 15. One of the best bands you've never heard of. Scroll back up the list if you want to see them performing live on their local FOX affiliate.

13. "Section 22: Running Away," The Polyphonic Spree

Very, very unique video, made up of over 70,000 still photographs of the band taken in a 10-day span. This band is as large as you may think-- 23 members. They are everything that's right about music today. Musically competent. Uplifting. Non-commercial.

12. "Cage in a Cave," Rasputina
Another tune from my new favorite cello-based band. Heavily references Mutiny on the Bounty.... because what good rock music doesn't?

11. "Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex," CSS

Yes, this is the song from the freaking iPod commercial. Yes, it's two slots over the band I praised for being non-commercial. Shut up already. Bad homemade video here. The band's name is apparently short for Cansei de Ser Sexy, which I have read means "Tired of being sexy."

10. "Don't Stop Believin'," Petra Haden

You have to watch this. Now. It's one of the most entertaining videos I've ever seen, and nearly tied for my favorite video of the year. On top of that, this is the best Journey cover ever, which means little since it's only the second one I've ever heard (Mariah Carey's "Open Arms," ick), and I hate Journey as a rule. But this is such a drastic deconstruction of the song, I love it.

9. "Watch Us Work It," Devo

Yes, another ****ing commercialized song, from a Dell commercial. Sorry! I am a Devo fan. And I love the video. As I've said in a previous entry, the video style is White Stripes-meets-Robert Palmer.

8. "Life Is Beautiful," Vega4
This song brought me to tears earlier this year. I'm stronger now. Thanks, God.

7. "Are You the One?," The Presets
Yes, I was introduced to this song by "So You Think You Can Dance." Shut up. I can't help that Elisa watched that show. I did know this band before hearing the song, so at least I can say that.

6. "Our Life Is Not a Movie or Maybe," Okkervil River

You have to love when a band sings with passion, even if it means tonality is a bit compromised. I can relate a lot more to a song that's emotional than I can to a song that's note-perfect. Good video. A live performance of the same song on Conan can be viewed below.


5. "Dashboard," Modest Mouse

Absolutely, bar none, my favorite video of the year. Inspired some future Halloween costume ideas. I love these guys. This was the first song this year that I knew would be on the Christmas present compilation. Yes, there are references to Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.

4. "No Dreams," Oakley Hall

An old video of this band performing the song in question long before it was released. Please, PLEASE download this song from eMusic and support this band. You can get a free trial account with absolutely no risk attached. I love love love the songcraft evident here, and the alt-country flavor is just enough.

3. "Foundations," Kate Nash

This was the last song added to the roster, and obviously, it made quite an impression on me, landing in the top three. I'm a sucker for a British accent and a sad song, and this year has made me particularly prone to enjoy a good breakup song.

2. "Kill, Kill, Kill," The Pierces

I could do without the dance moves in the video here. The studio recording is vastly superior to this live performance, but it's still good. Another alt-country gem, another breakup song.

1. "Intervention," The Arcade Fire

A great anti-Bush song. A great song, period. The kind of song that makes me feel inspired and downtrodden all at once. It takes something special to create a song capable of evoking such a mix of emotions. The Arcade Fire, critics' darlings, seem to have it. A little guitar smashing at the end of the video punctuates the sentiment.

That's a line from what I've decided is my all-time favorite love song. It's mentioned in another post-- "Fake Palindromes" by Andrew Bird. Yep, I know, I'm weird. I'm also learning to play this song, which is really pleasing.
Earlier this month on Xavier's 5th birthday I was able to cross off another life goal. I scored my first career broomball hat trick! The Ptarmigans are an amazing 8-1-0 coming off a loss to Bloodshot Ice after our best undefeated start ever. The team is playing better than ever for some reason. We've outscored our opponents 42-18, putting Karen's GAA at a nice 2.00 (Mom's record is 1.47) and also putting us on pace to shatter our scoring record. Our previous best for an entire season is 48 goals. I'll go out on a limb and say we're going to score more than 6 goals in the 6 games we have remaining in the regular season and playoffs.
We scored 7 goals against the Wingers on 12/2/07 for the first time in team history. We had scored nine goals three times, but never seven or eight. Go figure. We also had never scored so many goals in a game where we were at one point losing. The Wingers scored first, but we tallied seven unanswered after that. Insane.
So this definitely goes up there on my sports accomplishments list. Very high indeed. It inspires me to discuss....

Mick's Top Five Ptarmigans Moments
Specifically, the five moments in Ptarmigans history that mean the most to me personally, not simply the best five things that have ever happened to the team, though there will clearly be some overlap.

5. Recording three assists on one shift
November 25, 2007 vs. Crushed Ice
I went into our first game against Crushed Ice since 2005 with three assists in five games this season, which isn't that bad for me. I have increased my assist total by one each season since we started playing, with a career high of seven last year. I'd never had more than two assists in a game, either. This has largely been due to a couple factors. First, before this season I mostly played defense, and that was where I felt I most helped the team anyway. This season has been a different story. Tom has taken over the team at my request and has put me up on offense most of the time, and it's working out well.
I assisted a goal of Tom's in the first half when we were just up 1-0. He then came off the ice, replaced by my brother. Matt flipped the ball into the back right corner of the rink off the faceoff, and the woman clearing it hit it my way. I intercepted it and pushed it to Matt in the center. He juked a bit before wristing a backhand shot into the top right corner. Another faceoff ensued, of course, and Matt flipped it over to my side. I eluded a Crushed Ice player and dove to my knees to slap the ball over to Matt charging down the center. He put a wrist shot into the top right corner, just sixteen seconds in real time after his last goal. It was the shortest time between two goals (and obviously, between two assists) in team history. It was also the quickest three goals in team history (and therefore, the quickest three assists). A game with three assists is significant and rare enough and event to have a nickname: a "playmaker." We'd only had six in team history. I managed to collect one all on one shift, in a span of 44 seconds. I went on to gather a fourth assist in the game, only the second time in team history someone managed more than three assists in a single game.

4. Scoring my first Ptarmigans goal
November 23, 2003
It was our third game ever, against the Slip Shots (a team we'd go on to dominate, as it turns out, going 6-0-1 against them as of now; they're the first team we've beaten six times). They looked very intimidating to us on the standings sheet, as they'd won three of their four games and outscored their opponents 21-6. We gave up a goal 30 seconds into the game to fall behind before my moment came. I ventured out near midrink to challenge a SS player who was taking a slap shot. He hit me square in the stomach and the ball dropped over to my left and in front of me. There was no one between me and the goal, leaving me with a breakaway, my first of any kind in any sport. For the first time, I did something that would become a trademark. I left my feet, sliding on my rear to take a hard shot that I put inside the left post for my first Ptarmigans goal. It was important because we suddenly felt like we could hang with those guys despite the early goal. My father scored his first Ptarmigans goal to tie it at 2 with less than three minutes before halftime, and Matt followed with his fourth goal of the young season to give us our first lead of the game. Ed Montano scored with about six minutes left in the game to break a 3-3 tie, and we held on for a 4-3 win, serving notice to the league that the newbies were someone to be reckoned with.

3. Scoring a hat trick
December 2, 2007
The first game after recording my first playmaker, I got to accomplish a goal listed on my life goals entry on this very blog. I really didn't know if it would ever happen, especially since I only had one multi-goal game before this season, and a hat trick is 3 goals in one game. I had three goals my whole first season, only two goals in my third season, and only four last season. I'd never had more than five in an entire 15-game season.
We were playing a team we'd never faced before, the Wingers, who'd won only one game thus far this season. We didn't manage to score until almost seven minutes into the game, when Jason scored the slowest goal ever (except maybe for Josh's lone career goal, back in our very first game) to tie it up at one. Dad scored a goal and Ursula netted the first of her career to put us up 3-1. With about four minutes left in the first half, Tom stole an attempted clearing pass on the right boards and I came charging down the center. He put a hard bouncing pass my way and I got flat on my stomach to take a shot that the goalie never even moved to stop, putting the ball a few inches inside the left post for my fifth goal of the season.
On my first shift of the second half, Dad battled to win the ball behind the goal line and I staked out a position at the front left of the crease. He put a pass right on my broom that I gathered in before wristing a shot into the right side of the net to give us a 5-1 lead. It was only the second goal I ever scored by a method other than a slap shot. I was pretty ecstatic about having only my third multi-goal game ever and I was only marginally considering the possibility of a hat trick.
My very next shift, I managed to again position myself at the same spot, with Matt winning the ball behind the goal line and flipping a pass out to me that I backhanded as a one-timer right into the bottom right of the net again. I happily ran off the ice to the bench after hugging Matt. It was the 15th hat trick in team history, but my first. After I came off the ice, Carrie said, "How many is that for you?" and I giddily but quietly responded, "Three!"

2. Winning the league championship
February 27, 2005
We had virtually no chance to win the league championship. We were facing a team we'd lost to twice that season, each time by a score of 3-1. Rocky Vander's were the heavy favorites. They finished first in the regular season with a 9-1-1 record, losing only to the Blizzards. They also blitzed through the round-robin portion of the playoffs, going 3-0-0 and outscoring their opponents 13-9 in the three games. Conversely, the Ptarmigans were 7-3-1 in the regular season and a mere 1-2-0 in the playoffs, earning our way into the title game only by virtue of the second tiebreaker. However, a review of the game tapes revealed that one player on Rocky Vander's had scored 5 of the 6 goals we had allowed to Vander's in their two contests, so I formulated a plan to shut him down. The male wings (me, Dad & Jason) were to cover that player one-on-one at all times he was on the ice. I figured if we could shut him down, we at least had a chance.
Our team got off to a great start only 3:25 into the game, as Jason took a pass from Stephanie Altergott and whacked it into the back of the net for his first career goal and a 1-0 Ptarmigans lead. However, we had scored first in the other two games against Vander's and gone on to lose twice, so we played with the mindset that the game was still tied, not giving an inch. The defense was tight throughout the rest of the first half, swarming on any Vander's player near the crease, but Mom still had to turn away 13 shots. Four penalties were called on us in the first half versus none on Vander's. Still, we able to turn away every penalty shot attempt.
With time running down in the first half, R.J. slapped a clearing pass along the boards to Matt, who ran along the boards and behind the net before flicking a pass to Jason. He took a shot that was stopped by the Vander's goalie, but flipped in the rebound with just nineteen seconds left on the clock for his second goal of the game (and his career) and a 2-0 lead.
We decided to place even greater emphasis on defense in the second half, keeping three players back at all times. Four more penalties were called on us in the first 13 minutes of the period, giving us eight with still zero called against Vander's, but we nevertheless turned away every penalty shot attempt, often not even allowing a shot on goal. We kept our cool despite the uneven penalty calls and the defense continued to play strong.
With 2:05 remaining, the first call in our favor finally came as Ed was tripped. He did a little acting to get another call with 1:39 left as well, the only two calls against the heavy favorites all night. With 1:03 left, yet another call was made against the Ptarmigans, but R.J. again turned away the attempt, as he went a perfect 3-for-3 on penalty shot defense, I went 4-for-4, and Dad and Tom each 1-for-1.
Mom continued to play unconscious in the second half, stopping another 17 shots for a total of 30 saves. She froze the ball on a shot attempt with about thirty seconds left and I felt a celebration coming on. As the final seconds ticked off, the players on the bench counted them down (as Lisa yelled "All defense all the time!"), streaming onto the ice at the final buzzer and mobbing Mom after shaking hands with our vanquished foes.
It was pretty unbelievable. Two goals by someone who'd never scored, a shutout by Mom. We were all pretty thrilled and it still puts a smile on my face to remember it.

1. Winning our first game at Nationals
April 1, 2005
We had no business going to the USA Broomball Nationals. We had just won our league title for the first time, sure, but we were venturing into Minnesota to play teams who'd been playing together for many years. On top of that, we were playing on an ice surface about three times larger than the one to which we were accustomed, with much more wide open rules, against teams who knew those rules well and played under them on a regular basis.
We're not all-world athletes. We're a bunch of family and friends who have a good time playing together, and that's all. We arrived in Rosemount, Minnesota and checked into the hotel before heading over to check out the rinks and buy some souvenirs. Walking into the Burnsville Ice Center, a mammoth two-rink complex, I was sort of in awe. All the banners and posters promoting the event were up, and we walked into the rink on which we'd be playing in a few hours and really contemplated what we were about to do. I looked over at Diego and said, "We're going to be playing in a national championship sporting event on this ice tonight." We both just smiled, laughed a little and shook our heads. We had no idea what we were in for.
I really figured we were going to get creamed. I had three team goals for the trip and hoped we could just meet the first: have fun. Second was for someone to score a goal. If we got lucky enough to manage that, our third goal was to win a game. We were scheduled in our first contest against Iowa State University.
ISU has one of the largest broomball intramural programs in the country. Their team held tryouts. They had a coach and regularly played on a full-size rink. I didn't actually tell my teammates any of that, figuring it really wouldn't help in any way. I shook hands with the female captain of Iowa State before the game and told her, "This is our first game on a full-size rink." She smiled and said, "Well, that's good for us!"
Play started with few shots as nerves were abundant. As our confidence increased, we worked harder and made plays happen. Around ten minutes into the game, Ed and my dad had a two-on-one break. Ed ran past the lone defender, took a shot on net, and put in his own rebound for our first tally. I was on the bench and went insane, jumping up and down. I grabbed Carrie and said, "Oh my God! We scored! We actually scored!" However, Iowa State was able to tie the game with a screened shot that no one was able to deflect with two and a half minutes left in the first half.
I realized at halftime that I had gone from just hoping we wouldn't get destroyed to knowing I'd be disappointed if we didn't find a way to come out on top. I looked everyone in the eye at the break and said, "Guys, we can win this game." Everyone knew it. We had it right in front of us. They were a good team but we were managing to play well despite often spending more time on defense than anything.
ISU spent the first 4 minutes of the second half on our end as we were unable to push back their attack. Finally, Ed and Matt were able to bust out of our zone for another odd-man break. As Ed drew the defender to him, he passed over to a wide open Matt, who caught the goalie sliding near side with an opposite side shot. Iowa State never recovered.
With about six minutes to go, I found myself with the ball at mid-ice with only one defender between me and the goal, and he was on the other side of the ice, giving me a chance to move up toward the net and take a shot before he closed in on me completely. I brought it forward as far as I could, flipped it out to my left side, and set up to take a very different kind of slap shot than I'd ever taken before. The shots allowed at Nationals are very different than our league...you can take a full backswing, over your head if you want, and follow through as far as you want, as long as you don't hit anyone or contact the ball when it's over your waist. In our home league, you can never swing the broom over your waist. I had been preparing for Nationals by going into the school parking lot behind my house and taking slap shots against a brick wall, not knowing if my practice would mean a thing.
So I flipped it out to my left side and took a backhanded slap shot. It was pretty, a line drive right at the net that hit the goalie in his chest and bounced out to the right. Ed had been running down hoping for just a bounce and he put in the rebound to give us a 3-1 lead. I bent at the waist and knees and yelled in celebration right at the ice. I jumped on Ed as he came off the ice with me onto the bench. I can't ever remember being more psyched up during a sporting event.
We managed to kill off the last six minutes and won that game by two goals. We went off to our locker room (the first time I'd shared a locker room with women) and changed and just tried to comprehend what had happened. When Mom came into the locker room, she said, "No freaking WAY!" and we all yelled in celebration. In the rented van as we drove back to the hotel, I was so overwhelmed at one point that I put my head in my lap and nearly cried. I couldn't believe a ragtag bunch of friends and family had just beaten a college team that was assembled from the best players in a 1,000-person intramural league, a team with a coach, a team that by all rights should have beaten us. Most of us went out that night to have dinner and bask in what had been done.
We lost two games the next day by scores of 8-0 against vastly superior teams (including an all-female team that had won the Women's World Cup), but nothing will ever take away the fact that we won that game, our first at the National Championship level, with no experience on a full-size rink. It remains my all-time most cherished sporting accomplishment.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

So we're watching the stop-motion animation Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer....you know, the one with Burl Ives as the voice of the narrator snowman, Herbie the elf who wants to be a dentist, the Island of Misfit Toys (Charlie-in-the-box, the acid trip elephant, the square-wheeled train).....the classic. It's been a long time since I really paid attention to it, but as often happens when my boys are watching something for the first time, I focus a bit more.
Obviously this is a story about prejudice and fitting in and overcoming adversity. I never really noticed until this morning how this esteemed holiday film portrays Santa Claus. As my dad put it awhile ago, "This movie portrays the most benevolent person in all of lore as a real jerk." And he's right-- Santa just told Donner (who's named Donder in "'Twas the Night Before Christmas," right?) he should be ashamed of himself for having a son with a red nose. Yikes.
Moving on.
I love snow. LOVE it. I don't understand why anyone doesn't. As soon as Halloween passes, I begin hoping for the first snowfall of the year, and the day it comes, I am nearly as excited as I am on Christmas-- especially if it sticks, like it did Wednesday. Of course, snow has been associated with great events my whole life.
There was a blizzard the day I was born. Both of my sons' birthdates were snowy days. In fact, the day Xavy was born, it snowed so much and so constantly that it took me over two hours to make what was normally a 50-minute commute. When I got there, I found out Elisa's water had broken and she needed to go to the hospital. Unfortunately, I knew it might take 3 or 3 1/2 hours for me to get back home and then to the hospital. Elisa called our backup driver, but couldn't reach her. She had to resort to her mother, who worked about a half-hour drive away (on a normal day) but could travel on more salted roads than I had to use to get to work. I drove to the hospital, which was a lot closer to my hospital workplace than it was to my house.
Xavier was born before the day was out. He had to stay in the nursery the whole time we were there, and even an extra night. The night he was born, I remember I woke up at 2am and just went into the nursery to look at him. I must have stood there for half an hour just staring.
Anyway....I love snow. So I'm very happy to be in this log cabin with lots of windows surrounded by a snowy landscape. Trying not to let my thoughts drift to what it would be like to be here with my whole family...and some unusual girl who loved the outdoors as much as I do. Thirty is not old. There are people out there who won't be scared away by my history....right?

Top Five Songs With a Track Length of 2:14
"Hello, I Love You" by The Doors and "Mammal" by They Might Be Giants just missed the list, showing this is quite a good group of 36 songs.

5. "Blue Moon," The Marcels

People might say, how in the world could you put this song above "Hello, I Love You"!!?? Well, the Doors song is kinda stupid. It's just an insincere attempt at getting a one-night stand. "Blue Moon" features the harmonies and vocal interplay that made the 50s and 60s so grand. In fact, the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame (which I still must visit) named this tune as one of the 500 that shaped rock 'n' roll.

4. "New Amsterdam," Elvis Costello

This is one of my favorite underappreciated songs. Coincidentally, I also connect it to Xavy's birth, as it was playing on the CD player of my car while I vacuumed out the interior at the car wash near the hospital. I was cleaning it out so my son could enjoy the cleanest of clean rides in the back seat on his way home for the first time.
For a while, I considered becoming a professional Elvis impersonator...and showing up as Elvis Costello. I'd need to get some chunky glasses, but I could pull off the geek look without a problem.

3. "Bend Me, Shape Me," The American Breed

This video is fun because it features some random screaming toward the end that I'm sure is supposed to be rabid female fandom, but comes off more as horror-movie stock. You will also enjoy that some of the fashion seems to have reemerged among today's emo crowd....and of course, there's the obligatory unnecessary synchronized movements of the band members.
Many of you likely recognized the lyric that makes up this post's title as coming from this particular track. The Breed hailed from Cicero, Illinois, and this was by far their greatest commercial success. As was relatively common in those times (and repeated today, differently, through talented nonmusicians like Britney Spears), they didn't write it. But they nailed the performance, and the memorable hooks of the tune put it here on the countdown.

2. "Bye Bye Baby," OK Go

I saw OK Go open up for They Might Be Giants back in 2001 and had never heard of them. After the show, they were handing out bumper stickers, and said if anyone sent them a picture of a cop car with an OK Go sticker on the bumper, they'd send that person free tickets to OK Go shows for life. Who knew the band would become best known for a treadmill video on YouTube? Who even knew YouTube would exist?
This song (back to the point) is about a man who is mourning the absence of his cat, who left him to seek fame and fortune in Hollywood. Seriously. The guy is really broken up about it, in a "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!" sort of way. The best line: "I'll live with the madmen there and pull my hair 'cause lunacy is everything I need."

1. "Cannon Song," Stan Ridgway and the Fowler Brothers

Also a remake, though a very different sort. This comes from a Kurt Weill tribute album. Who is Kurt Weill? Well, he's a German composer known best, perhaps, for The Threepenny Opera, which offered a Marxian view of the capitalist world and features the story of Mack the Knife-- yes, that one. This song is a tongue-in-cheek look at what life in the armed forces can do to some people. "Moving from place to place, when they come face to face with a different breed of fellow, whose skins are black or yellow, they quick as winking chop them into beefsteak tartar!" Stan Ridgway, one of my favorite singers (Johnny Cash meets Rod Serling), took on this song for the tribute.
I was floored to find a video for this-- a practically unknown vocalist performing an obscure cover of a less-than-popular song from a nearly forgotten opera. And it's actually not bad.

Jon and I used to play a lot of video games when I was growing up, but more than that, a lot of computer games. Especially sports-related games, and the occasional Jeopardy! match. After a while, no one would play Jeopardy! with me, because I had an ability to instantly read the entire clue on screen and ring in before my opponent had gotten through the first line. My father thought I was cheating, in fact, so one time he challenged me to recite the clue verbatim after I had rung in (at which point the clue disappeared from the board to show a poorly animated trio of contestants). When I was able to do so, no one questioned me anymore. Nor did they play with me.
Anyway, one game Jon and I loved was 4th and Inches, a football game with a bunch of players whose names were a combination of Hollywood schlock and really bad puns; one fullback's name is the title of this post. And it seemed appropriate to reference it on Thanksgiving.
My parents, my brother & his girlfriend, my sons, and I are spending the long holiday weekend at a cabin in Wisconsin that is remote enough to offer no cell phone service. Couple that with the beautiful blanket of snow God bestowed upon us on the drive up here, and we have nothing to do for four days but eat, play board games, converse, play guitar, read, and enjoy a gorgeous snowy view outside the huge windows. Bliss. (Despite not having a significant other with whom to share it, but definitely imagining what that would be like.)
OK, yes, they also have wi-fi. This is strangely comforting. I'd much rather have the wi-fi than the cell phone. However, to my credit, I spent the entire evening not using the laptop, until after the boys were in bed. I actually finished a leisure-reading book tonight. Even more amazingly, I just bought it last Saturday. It was Augusten Burrroughs' Possible Side Effects. Highly recommended. I like that he writes in a style that is disarming and unpretentious-- very engaging.
Moving on to an obligatory list, yes? Themed, you suspect? Why, sure! Music-related? No!
It would be easy to understand if I had a hard time feeling there was much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. I'm going through the most difficult change of my life. Just when I think I'm turning a corner, something new rears its head. Yet somehow, through all of this, I am here, and I actually feel very strong in my ability to be happy and optimistic despite all the psychic debris over and through which I'm having to build little paths.

Top Five Truths in My Life for Which I'm Thankful at the Moment
5. I'm getting better at playing guitar
One night this week I was having trouble sleeping, and I decided playing guitar might help. I started taking lessons in June, deciding that since I own three guitars, it would be a good idea to be able to do more than pick out "Blister in the Sun" or "Time in a Bottle." My teacher, Brien, is a great guy. He's been understanding about how busy I am and that I don't have as much time to practice as a full-time student does. I've nearly quit a couple times to concentrate on the divorce process and being with my boys, but since I can take the lessons at work during the day when I have to be there anyway, I have soldiered on. And I've been pleased with my commitment, and finally, my progress. The other night when I was unable to sleep, I was able to find some tablature online and taught myself to play Don McLean's "Babylon," a song I've been fond of for some time. There is something very pleasing about recognizing a song and knowing you're playing it, and you taught yourself to do so. It's been a long time since I've been excited about playing an instrument. For someone who loves music so much, it's hard to believe it's taken me this long to really play. I'm glad I am.

4. I have a job I could keep until I retire
This is no secret. I love my job and it just seems to get better all the time, even when I have to deal with the occasional overblown situation. It's still nothing like the day-to-day crisis mode of any regular social work job I've had. I get to spend a lot of time with my boys, get three-day weekends every week, a month off for the holidays, summers off if I want them...and when I'm at work, I love what I do. And it's the best-paying job I've ever had, by a long shot. Who could ask for more?

3. My friends and family are amazing people
Both new and old friends have been so incredibly supportive as I move through this difficult process. I've been stunned at how the people I know rally around their loved ones in times of crisis. This includes friends in other states (like Jon), friends I've only known a couple months, and of course, my family. My parents have welcomed me and the boys back home openly and without hesitation. I know it has to stink not getting to enjoy their empty-nest years as they should be, but you'd never know it. To all of you: thank you.

2. My sons are the greatest joy I've ever known
Xavy is a prankster and a half. Wonder where he gets that from. When he came and threw a cup of cold water on me while I was showering the other day, then ran out giggling, after my initial shocked gasp, I just laughed and laughed. I love that he does stuff like that. Eli has taken to saying a lot of interesting things to me lately, including the perplexing "You're the best daddy in the deep blue sea." If I respond with "You're the best Eli in the deep blue sea," he looks at me oddly and says, "I can't be underwater, Daddy." He also comes up randomly and hugs me and says, "I love you so much," then walks away....so it's not even like he only does it when he wants something. Without them, I might have folded into a puddle of mush through all of this.

1. I am growing closer to God than I have been in a long time
I have been praying more than ever, and spending more time reflecting on God's word and His will for my life. A few realizations have hit me lately that have humbled me and reconvicted me in my faith. One of the biggest has been recognizing God has a plan for me and knew all of this was going to happen, but that it would somehow build me into the man I needed to be to fulfill the purpose of my life. God has put one word on my heart a lot lately: patience. I know I've mentioned that already. I must have said it to myself about 9 times today-- at the grocery store, in the car, doing nothing in particular. I know I need to improve some things, and here's my chance. Thank you, God, for that.

I remarked to someone recently that time is remarkably elastic. It moves like molasses when you are in a hurry and runs by like the wind when you want to catch your breath. I'm certainly not the first to make the observation; even now I feel like I'm stealing it from Simon Birch or Augusten Burroughs or maybe even Peter Pan. But it's so oft-spoken simply because it's so unquestionably true.
With that in mind, as I've been praying a lot lately, God has put one word on my heart and in my mind: patience. This has never been a strong suit of mine. It's hard for me when (as happened last week) a student sits in my office and doesn't know what a quotation mark is, and keeps saying things like, "Oh...you mean parentheses." No. I don't. I mean *$@#!ing quotation marks. Now, I don't say anything like that, and maybe my impatience is exacerbated by my current situation, a soon-to-be-ex-wife who seems to want me when I'm gone and hate me when I'm around, nearing the end of the semester with all the resultant grading and students exuding psychic stress, etc., etc. But maybe just a little. I have known for some time impatience is a character fault of mine. So with that in mind, I am looking for opportunities to improve my patience.
What else can I improve? I am going to take this time God is giving me to work on myself.

Top Five Areas in Need of Personal Improvement

5. Procrastination
I'm actually pretty good about this in most cases, and some of my procrastination can't be avoided. I have simply had less ability to do things ahead of time this semester because so much of my energy has been drained by my home situation. Talking to one of the other professors, a friend who knows about my situation, she urged me to give myself permission to be an adequate professor this semester, not an all-star. That's very hard to do, but I have tried to give myself that leeway. Still, I'd like to feel in enough control of my emotions to be able to at least complete my prep the night before, so I'm not rushing the morning before to get everything together before a 9:30 class.

4. Parenting
I'm a good dad, but now that I'm more or less parenting solo, I need to work on restructuring my whole life around being a single dad first, and everything else a distant second. I will need to change some of my approaches and habits in order to do this.

3. Simplification
I need to let go of things that don't have to be my responsibility and allow myself not to be in charge of everything all the time. It has started this fall by asking Tom to run the Ptarmigans so I can just show up and be a player (and keep the stats like the quasi-obsessive-compulsive I am). Now, if only my teammates would stop calling me to say they won't make the game, to ask what time the game is, to ask who we're playing, or to ask if we need a fill-in player, then we'll be fine.
I'm also trying to decide if there's a way to reduce the number of written assignments in my SWK 121 classes next term. We'll see.
I'm going to continue to be on the lookout for opportunities to simplify.

2. Relationship with God
I am looking for a new church home after my last church had some questionable shifts in philosophy and focus. I need to be spending more time in prayer and in Biblical reflection. When I spend more time doing those things, I am always calmer and more centered. I don't think that's a coincidence. I need to be seeking out God's plan for my life.

1. Patience
This is the task God has put on my heart right now. I can be more patient with myself, with my children, with my students, with God, with others. I see opportunities for this all the time. I saw some in church this morning. I saw some while reading with my sons the other day. I saw some all day yesterday in talking with people I know and care about.

If I can take care of these things, improve these areas of my life, then I believe other things will take care of themselves and fall into place. God has a plan. I need to learn how to let that happen instead of trying to force things.

I am excited about the opportunity.

So says Coach Boone's wife in Remember the Titans. I, however, disagree. Life is hard sometimes, but usually for very good reasons we only find out much, much later. Let's hope this is one of those times.
The They Might Be Giants concert last weekend was very fun. Just the kind of thing one needs to cheer up. I left smiling...for a bunch of reasons. But I also left with a ton of nervous energy, really, for just one reason. But that's neither here nor there.
There was a cute blonde girl a couple levels down from us who kept scanning the crowd, but I think she was with somebody. Blondes are not usually the ones who catch my eye, but she had this neat mock-choker necklace on with a silver heart-shaped pendant with a keyhole, and great glasses. Now if only she were an [adult swim] fan, a miniature golf lover, a Christian, a social worker (or somebody else equally socially conscious), sharp-witted, intelligent, and passionate, and single....and it was about a year from now...oh, and I was anywhere near emotionally ready to date, we might be talking. :) Que sera, sera.

Top Five Songs with a Track Length of 2:13
5. "Kewpie Station," Kaki King

You owe it to yourself to watch this video of King performing on David Letterman. You have never seen anyone play the guitar like this. I don't just mean she has a lot of talent. I literally mean you have never seen anyone play a guitar the way she plays it. Absolutely unreal. Please watch it and be mesmerized.

4. "Good Golly Miss Molly," Little Richard

Gotta put this one on the list. A classic oldie in every sense, and you have to respect the early masters of rock and roll.

3. "I've Got You Under My Drawers," Brak

Brak, for the uninitiated, is a character on Space Ghost Coast to Coast, which was a 15-minute talk show of sorts on Cartoon Network hosted by Space Ghost, the title character of an obscure 1960s cartoon. Brak was his nemesis but has been reimagined as an extremely annoying guest sidekick of sorts who drops in whenever he so pleases. This clip is not of the song in question (which is hilarious), but a classic clip of Brak annoying SG in his inimitable fashion while Zorak takes the brunt of SG's frustration.
Best line from the actual song: "You see, about five seconds after I took that picture a giant robotic crab came out of the ocean and took you away..."

2. "Staring at the Sun," Offspring

Just a good punk rock song. The Offspring had the potential to be a lot better than they were, I think. They had about two albums' worth of solid material, but then anything else of theirs you hear tends to sound like another one of their tracks. You anime fans out there should like this clip....and you still know who you are.

1. "Watch Us Work It," Devo

One of my favorite songs of the year; unfortunately, it's been used in a Dell commercial. Still, people have to make money, and the video for this song is quite White-Stripes-meets-Robert-Palmer visually, if you get the idea, and I'm sure about 2 people do.

Since I'm nearly divorced anyway, I figure this is a fine time to post a top-five list regarding women I would like to....star in a movie with. (Come on....you didn't think I was going to say....oh, come on! I totally faked you out, didn't I?)
OK, so the reason I'd like to star in a movie with them may not be 100% due to their acting talent, though I do think these are all fine actresses.....some finer than others. (Not that "fine," the traditional "fine." Geez, what's with you?)
Please note there is not a Pamela Anderson or Lindsay Lohan or even a Cameron Diaz to be found on this list. My tastes are not all that common.
If you go on to read this, thanks for indulging my testosterone for a moment. I promise I'll return to more intellectual and music-obsessed pursuits later.

Top Five Women Mick Would Choose as a Cinematic Co-star
5. Eliza Dushku

She starred in this great short-lived show called Tru Calling that I watched really for no other reason than to look at her. As if she wasn't deliciously dark enough, the show features her working in a morgue where recently dead people occasionally look at her and ask for help, whereupon she is transported back in time to try to prevent their deaths.

4. Maggie Gyllenhaal

OK, so it helps that she was in Secretary (no comments please). I'm so much better-looking than James Spader. Right? No comments please. Plus, she was realllly cute in Stranger than Fiction. For my taste anyway. This girl can act. Dushku might be a stretch, but the Gyllenhall family's got chops.

3. Helena Bonham Carter

OK, yes, she's in her 40s, so what? I think she's gorgeous, and she's the most accomplished woman on this list. I particularly like her in Novocaine and Fight Club, of course.

2. Summer Glau

Probably the least-known woman on this list, star of the short-lived Firefly as River Tam (Summer, River?) and recurring character in The 4400, the closest thing I have to a new X-Files. She is also a cast member of the upcoming series The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Long dark hair and fair skin. Does this seem to be a pattern of mine?

1. Christina Ricci

If you've ever talked to me about actresses, or celebrity crushes, you know this. OK, first of all, some credit to her: Christina Ricci is a damn good actress. From Black Snake Moan to Monster to Prozac Nation (OK, still haven't seen that one, because I didn't want to upset my wife, since Christina's naked in it...well, nothing holding me back now!), she is critically lauded, and I love that she's not the typical sex symbol but is still gorgeous.
Now I read in Wikipedia that she's a big fan of R.E.M., Ramones, the White Stripes, Weezer, and Pixies. Clearly we should be together.....on a movie set, I mean.
My favorite picture of her is below.



*shudder*

It seems appropriate to depart from my typical top-5 format for this, one of my favorite days of the year. What is the temporary format, you ask?

Did you really need to ask?

Mick's Top Thirteen Halloween Songs
13 (tie). "I Walked with a Zombie" and "If You Have Ghosts," Roky Erickson and the 13th Floor Elevators

Roky Erickson was not only a figurehead of psychedelic rock, he was the master of the horror-rock song. Erickson, now 60, is perhaps one of the most interesting little-known figures in rock history. He had one minor hit as leader of the Elevators, but went on to be as well-known for drug use and mental illness as anything. He involuntarily underwent ECT after being diagnosed paraoid schizophrenic in 1968. After being arrested for marijuana possession in Texas in 1969, he claimed insanity, which he would later regret-- it led to involuntary commitment and more ECT and Thorazine for three years.
Erickson and his bandmates were vocal proponents of pot and LSD, and their music seemed to reflect that, along with a love of the macabre.
In 1990, a tribute album to Erickson called Where the Pyramid Meets the Eye was released. This was my introduction to Erickson's work. I picked up a copy on cassette from a used music store simply because R.E.M. was on the album, and I became fascinated with the odd themes of the work, and the fact that "I Walked With a Zombie" consisted entirely of the following verse repeated ad nauseum:

I walked with a zombie
I walked with a zombie
I walked with a zombie last night

Other songs included two-headed dogs working in graveyards, aliens, and ghosts. All the songs seemed to feature tangential or inexplicable lyrics like, "If you have ghosts, then you have everything." The mood of the music tended to match the lyrics-- darkly psychedelic, vaguely mentally ill. That album gave Erickson heart, as he had been unaware just how respected a musician he was. Not only did R.E.M. contribute to that album, but so did the likes of ZZ Top, The Jesus and Mary Chain, John Wesley Harding, Bongwater, and other respected acts.
Anyway, I choose "Zombie" and "Ghosts" because they seem representative of Erickson's works and appropriate for the list. "Zombie" starts at about the 4-minute mark in the above video.
Such an outsider icon was he, he was the inspiration for a character named Rocky on my all-time favorite X-Files episode, "Jose Chung's From Outer Space."

12. "The Lunatics (Have Taken over the Asylum)," The Fun Boy Three

This is on the list more for the faux-spooky chant of the chorus than anything else. The song is actually heavily political, but ignore that for today.

11. "Werewolves of London," Warren Zevon

One of my favorite songs to sing at karaoke, and not a particularly scary one, though it does have some nice gory lines like, "Little old lady got mutilated late last night/ Werewolves of London again."

10. "Dead Man's Party," Oingo Boingo

The most fun song on this list, without question. My dad loves this song to this day. The leader of Oingo Boingo, Danny Elfman, went on to become my favorite film composer, working with Tim Burton on many of his films, and also presumably composing the top song on this list.

9. "Ghost Town," The Specials

The Specials always remind me of my uncle, Jim (my favorite uncle), who introduced me to these guys back when we visited them in Atlanta when I was in high school. They also have a connection to the Fun Boy Three in some way....I forget exactly what it is. Oh well.

8. "The Boogie Monster," Gnarls Barkley

A tongue-in-cheek little ditty. Music and lyrics and mood all very appropriate for All Hallows' Eve or any day's witching hour.

7. "The Haunting (Adult Mix)," Ectomorph
Couldn't find a video for this one, which isn't that surprising. But I do like the name of the band. Ectomorph is a fairly creepy moniker, and the song was inspired by a horror cult classic. I think.

6. "Every Day Is Halloween," Ministry

DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO IF YOU HAVE ANY TENDENCY TO GET QUEASY OR DISLIKE GORY IMAGERY. It's posted here for you to enjoy the song, not the visuals so much.
The only reason this song isn't higher is because it's not strictly about Halloween...but more about people's judgmental reactions to those who choose to dress a bit gothic, dark, etc. This was before Ministry got decidedly more industrial....but I like this side of the band quite a bit.

5. "Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)," Concrete Blonde

Best song about vampires ever. I love singing along to this one loudly. The guitar riff is a pretty satisfying one too.

4. "Lullaby," The Cure

The video makes this one climb the list. There are few spookier videos on earth. No gore here, by the way, though perhaps some uncomfortable images. In two words...autoerotic cannibalism? You knew the Cure had to make this list somewhere, and this was the best song I could choose.

3. "Monster Mash," Bobby "Boris" Pickett and the Crypt-kickers

The only song on the list to chart in the top 40 in three different decades.

2. "Thriller," Michael Jackson

OK, we've all seen the video, which is the greatest rock video in history. But what I have for you here is the Indian version of the "Thriller" video. Thanks to Diego for introducing me to it. Weird, weird music and choreography. I have to wonder what the literal translation of the lyrics is.

1. "This Is Halloween," The Citizens of Halloween (from The Nightmare Before Christmas)

If you haven't seen this movie, you owe it to me to watch the beginning of it right now. Right here. This song should stick in your head.

Happy All Hallows' Eve to all of you.

I love Halloween. And The Nightmare Before Christmas. Can you tell?
For those who do not know, I was the pumpkin-carving champion of Troy State University for both years I was a student there. I think I owe that to my mother's artistic nature and love of Halloween in general. Nothing is cooler... I just wish I had more opportunities to walk around in costume.

I need to do something for me right now, to take my mind off life in general. So.... TWO (count 'em) TWO LISTS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Twenty-eight songs at the following length in my iTunes. Incidentally, my current collection has reached 15,074 songs, with a collective length of over 73 days. Insane.

Top Five Songs with a Track Length of 2:11

5. "William, It Was Really Nothing," The Smiths

The Smiths were never properly appreciated in America, but frontman Morrissey remains a heartthrob to gloomy, terminally unimpressed music fans of both genders both in the U.K. and among the Stateside initiated.

4. "Dinner Bell," They Might Be Giants

I couldn't find an actual video for this song, but someone was bored enough to put together a series of clips from Naruto to the tune. You anime fans out there should appreciate this-- you know who you are.

3. "Do It," Knodel
One of the most interesting songs about sex in history. Extremely geeky in sound, and bordering on sex-addict-like in its description of the appropriate places to have sex: "At the beach, in a bar, at the airport, any spot, in taxicabs, the Metro, in homes, the office, for money, for power, for pleasure, we like to do it, do it!"

2. "It's in His Kiss (The Shoop, Shoop Song)," Betty Everett

There are 30 or 40 oldies that are so iconic, they seemingly got covered by everyone from Aretha Franklin to Cher. Or maybe this is the only one that can claim that. Gotta love this one, except when you're going through a heartbreaking divorce and can't get yourself to stop fantasizing about punching some guy in the mouth.

1. "Can't Buy Me Love," The Beatles

Once upon a time, musicians like Elvis and The Beatles appeared in movies that I imagine had to be better than Spice World. Take it from a guy who was working four jobs for a year-- money can't buy you love. It can't even buy you insurance for loss of love.


I promise I'm not as depressed as I sound. :) After all, I've scored a goal in three straight games for the first time ever and my beloved Ptarmigans are 3-0!!!!


I have to say, this next list is deliciously odd. "This Diamond Ring" by Gary Lewis & the Playboys was eliminated not just because it is a decidedly geeky oldie, but because it just was the outsider on this list of outsider songs. These were culled from a list of 30 tracks.

Top Five Songs with a Track Length of 2:12
5. "Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head," They Might Be Giants

Gotta love the video. I know it seems like TMBG is overrepresented, but as we move up the track lengths, I promise that they will be less and less visible. Not many songs in the TMBG catalogue in the 4:00 range. This song is from their self-titled debut album, which somehow amazingly was recorded and released despite nothing but completely bizarre lyrics and geek-rock instrumentation. "The check's in the mail, and I'll see you in church, and don't you ever change."

4. "What Happened to You?," The Offspring

My favorite anti-marijuana song ever. "Before you started tokin', you used to have a brain/ Now you don't get even the simplest of things/ I draw little pictures, or even use my hand/ I try to explain, but you just don't understand, no." Pretty rare for a punky band to record an anti-drug song. My other favorite in that admittedly limited category would be "Just the One" by Levellers.

3. "Dead Puppies," The Ogden Edsl Wahalia Blues Ensemble Mondo Bizarrio Band

Watch the above video if you dare. It's not particularly well done. Come on, people. I'm not sick...this song is just hilarious. If "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" was okay, why isn't this? "Dead Puppies" is the all-time most requested song in the history of the Dr. Demento Show.

2. "People Are Strange," The Doors

Jim Morrison was a much better rock singer than he was a poet. If you just read the lyrics to songs like this, or especially "Light My Fire," they're not much better than what you would find in some disillusioned 7th grader's creative writing notebook. But I still love the Doors, because Morrison's delivery, Ray Manzarek's keyboards, and the overall dark mood all appeal to me.

1. "The Sound of Settling," Death Cab for Cutie

If you don't love this video, you're just not a music video fan. You have to love what they can do with video these days. It helps that this is a great song by one of the most oddly-monikered emo-pop bands out there. By now, you should notice that I have a particular affinity for bands that sing sad lyrics in upbeat or content ways, and this one is no exception.

Ever hear a song that makes you feel inspired and also causes your tears to flow like a faucet? That happened to me today.
You may have heard this song in the commercials for Pushing Daisies, a very good match between song and show if ever there was one. The band is Vega4. The song is "Life Is Beautiful."


Life is beautiful
We love until we die

When you run into my arms,
We steal a perfect moment.
Let the monsters see you smile,
Let them see you smiling.

Do I hold you too tightly?
When will the hurt kick in?

Life is beautiful, but it's complicated.
We barely make it.
We don't need to understand,
There are miracles, miracles.

Yeah, life is beautiful.
Our hearts, they beat and break.

When you run away from harm,
Will you run back into my arms,
Like you did when you were young?
Will you come back to me?

I will hold you tightly
When the hurting kicks in.

Life is beautiful, but it's complicated,
we barely make it.
We don't need to understand,
There are miracles, miracles.

Stand where you are.
We let all these moments pass us by.

It's amazing where I'm standing,
There's a lot that we can give.
It's just ours just for a moment.
There's a lot that we can give.

Hard to believe I would make a Def Leppard reference, but there it is.

So Carrie and I are going to the Cubs game on Sunday provided there is not a 3-game sweep in the NLDS. I am looking forward to it, as the seats are insanely good (and ridiculously expensive). In anticipation of what could be an exciting (or heartbreaking) game, I would like to recount...

My Top Five Wrigley Field Memories

5. Tuffy Rhodes' Big Day
April 4, 1994 vs. the Mets
Karl "Tuffy" Rhodes had 13 home runs in a 590-at-bat major league career. He was batting leadoff for the Cubs that day, and it was Opening Day too-- the first one I ever attended with my mother in what would become a yearly tradition. We got tickets for $25 each from a scalper, finding ourselves in the last row of the lower deck on the first-base side. Doc Gooden, longtime Cubs nemesis, was the pitcher for the Mets that day. Rhodes got the better of him, as Gooden left the game after 5 2/3 innings having allowed 7 runs-- but winning the game. A big part of those seven runs: the three home runs Rhodes hit that day in his first three at-bats, all off of Gooden...who ended up getting the win anyway as the Mets prevailed 12-9. Rhodes added a single and a walk to his perfect day at the plate. He only hit 5 more homers in 264 further at-bats that year, but went on to fame as he played in Japan, tying Sadaharu Oh's record for homers in one season in Japan's major leagues. When he faced the team Oh was managing late in the season, Oh ordered his pitchers to intentionally walk Rhodes every time he came up, regardless of the game situation. Seems like that would be considered dishonorable in a nation such as Japan, but apparently not.

4. Randy Myers Poster Day
August 14, 1993 vs. the Giants
This was an interesting day, because around the 8th inning, I remember thinking to myself that it had been a particularly boring baseball game despite the fact that the Cubs were winning 2-0 and I usually enjoy the tension of pitchers' duels. The final inning would change everything.
It was Randy Myers Poster Day, and I had a rolled-up plastic-encased giveaway of the Cubs closer myself. He came into the game with great fanfare in the 9th inning, to the response of fans waving his rolled-up likenesses in the air. Despite a great performance that day by Frank Castillo, Myers came in and promptly put the outcome in doubt, placing runners at 2nd and 3rd with two outs. A Todd Benzinger single promptly tied the game at 2, and the soused denizens of the bleachers had seen enough. Randy Myers posters came raining down on the outfield. The game was delayed while the grounds crew picked them up. Myers surrendered another single and a few more posters came out of the stands, though the score stayed tied. I, of course, held onto my poster, thinking it was going to be a collector's item since all the others seemed to have been discarded onto the field of play. Myers got the third out and we went to the bottom of the ninth.
To finish off what had become quite an exciting game, my favorite player of all time, Mark Grace, singled on a grounder over the third-base bag to drive in Jose Vizcaino from 2nd base. It was the first time I had seen Mark Grace get a game-winning hit in person, and that was pretty thrilling.
To top it off, despite the blown save, Myers got the win.

3. Stadium Seat Giveaway
September 13, 2003 vs. the Reds
Another promotion is the centerpiece of this game. First of all, it should be noted that the Cubs were in the thick of the National League Central race, finishing the day only one game out of first despite once falling sub-.500 after All-Star Break. It was an exciting back-and-forth game that featured, of all things, pitcher Juan Cruz tripling to lead off the 5th inning with the game tied at 4. The Cubs went up 5-4, fell behind 6-5, and went ahead with three separate run-scoring singles in the 7th by Mark Grudzielanek, Aramis Ramirez, and Eric Karros, making the score 9-6, which is how it finished.
The key of the memory, however, is the giveaway. The first 10,000 fans in the park received scratch-and-win cards. I attended the game with Elisa and my parents. Fifty of the 10,000 cards were winners for an actual retired Wrigley Field stadium chair, self-folding seat, seat number placard and all. I went to grab some dogs at the concession stand while my family scratched their cards. I heard my father cheer that he had won one and I yelled back in excitement. Then my mother won one as well! Somehow we had ended up with 2 winning cards when there was only roughly a two percent chance of us winning even one seat as a family. I figured there was a bout a 1 in 40,000 chance of us having two winning cards, but we did, and my parents were kind enough to give both seats to me.
We only had tickets for this game because Opening Day, which my mom and I traditionally attended, had been snowed out. I exchanged my tickets for a later (cheaper) game, and there we were, lucky enough to walk away with two real Wrigley Field seats.

2. The Neverending Doubleheader
July 4, 1994 vs. the Rockies
My parents and I attended this pair of games with my brother away at hockey camp. We figured we'd be out of Wrigley by 6pm and head over to Taste of Chicago. How wrong we were.
The first game had one brief rain delay but moved pretty quickly otherwise, and before I knew it, it was the bottom of the ninth with the Cubs down 3-2. Immortal Cubs Eduardo Zambrano, Steve Buechele and Rey Sanchez were the scheduled batters, so it didn't look good. However, Zambrano coaxed a leadoff walk (on four pitches), and Buechele followed with a double that put Zambrano at 3rd. Sanchez was hit by a pitch to load the bases with no outs, and backup catcher Mark Parent came in to pinch-hit and delivered a sacrifice fly to tie it at 3. Shawon Dunston followed with a strikeout, but Derrick May completed the comeback with a single off the wall that scored the winning run.
Game two had two more rain delays, and oh by the way, went 16 innings. Down 1-0 in the ninth against former Cub Mike Harkey, the offense again staged a rally. With one out, Sammy Sosa hit a pop-fly double that landed just inside the right-field line. Steve Buechele (hero of the day) hit an RBI single to center to tie it at 1. The time was now 6:45pm.
Rain delays in extra innings are bad because concessions have shut down for the day. And it had been a long day, so people tended to have left for the bars or home by now. The Rockies scored in the 11th just to have the Cubs tie it in the bottom of the 11th with a walk and two Rockies errors with 2 outs.
Another rain delay.
In the 14th inning, we sing the 7th-inning stretch for the third time that day. We decide to abandon our upper-deck seats and head for a better view since there are now about 500 people left in the ballpark. I talk to Dante Bichette as he stands in the on-deck circle and complains that he had dinner reservations for 8:00. It's now 10:10.
In the 15th, the Rockies score twice with two outs to make it 4-2. The Cubs don't rally this time. Randy Myers actually has to bat because there's no one left on the bench.
Total time: 10 1/2 hours, all at Wrigley, one win, one loss. Wouldn't have traded it for the world.

1. Wood Vs. Clemens
June 7, 2003 vs. Yankees
Kerry Wood vs. Roger Clemens, two Texas flamethrowers facing off. Clemens was going for his 300th win. Wood was helping lead the Cubs in a pennant race. Wood didn't allow a hit until Hideki Matsui homered to right in the 5th inning. Hee Seop Choi got injured in the 4th inning when he collided with Wood catching an infield pop-up. Choi was out cold and got carted off the field by ambulance, replaced by Eric Karros.
The score was still 1-0 in the bottom of the 7th when Sammy Sosa singled with one out and Moises Alou walked, spelling the end of Clemens' day. He was relieved by Juan Acevedo, who faced Karros, trying to keep the shutout intact. On his first pitch, Acevedo threw a gopher ball that ended up deep to left. Karros had turned Clemens' quest for win number 300 into the venerable righty being on the hook for the loss with one swing.
In the top of the 8th, the Cubs nearly lost the lead, but Mike Remlinger came on to strike out Jeremy Giambi swinging with the bases loaded on a 3-2 pitch. The Cubs added two for insurance, and went on to win 5-2 despite a scare in the ninth that brought the tying run to the plate. Wood won, Clemens lost. It was the closest I've ever felt in Wrigley to a playoff atmosphere. I may well get a chance to experience the real thing this weekend.

Sadly, 2:09 provides an uninspiring list of 24 songs. Here are the 5 best.

5. "Sourness Makes It Right," Tim DeLaughter
4. "Wave of Mutilation," Superdrag
3. "Stickshifts and Safetybelts," Cake
2. "Tell Her No," The Zombies
1. "We're All Gonna Die Someday," Kasey Chambers

The list at 2:10 makes me happy. Twenty-seven songs on the list, whittled down to five here.

Top Five Songs with a Track Length of 2:10

5. "Subbacultcha," Pixies

Pixies are a seminal alternative rock group. They're apparently working on a new studio album for the first time in 16 years. Generally, Come on Pilgrim and Surfer Rosa are considered their masterpieces, but I have always felt Trompe le Monde is an exceptionally strong album. This is a middling song among those on that collection, but still good enough to be on this top-5 list.

4. "(She Was a) Hotel Detective," They Might Be Giants

A great, weird example from the early TMBG catalogue. Where do they get an idea like this? She's a hotel detective? That's just so typical of the madcap silliness that TMBG is, but without their wit and musicianship, they'd be only 20% as good as they actually are.

3. "Blitzkrieg Bop," Ramones

No one seems to know the name of this song, but everyone knows this song. Aye! Oh! Let's go! Aye! Oh! Let's go! All revved up and ready to go!

2. "Rock Around the Clock," Bill Haley and His Comets

A classic by any measure, which by all accounts should be at the top of a list like this. However, I give the nod to a more modern rock track that was never actually released as a single...

1. "Hotel Yorba," The White Stripes

I defy anyone not to sing along with this song after hearing it a couple of times. You should be singing along with the chorus by the end of the first listen, actually. Just a great little upbeat stomp. And Meg White's a macabre little cutie.

The above quote from Danielson Famile, the all-time weirdest Christian rock band, came to mind in reflecting about Human Sexuality class last night. It's a social work course, so I generally expect that the students are more liberal and more enlightened about social issues than other students. (No offense to you Republicans, but most 19-year old conservatives have a really unrealistic picture of the welfare system and people on public assistance.)
Last night's topic was gender development and gender roles. I had the students split up into groups of men and women and list the advantages and disadvantages of being their respective genders in America. The women had mostly excellent answers:

Advantages of being female in America
We can choose to work or stay at home
We control the sex life
PMS is a convenient excuse
We are the majority of the population
We can show emotion
We can have multiple orgasms
Wider variety of acceptable clothing in the workplace
We live longer
We can pamper ourselves without being called "gay"
We can ask for help
Childbirth/connection with children
We can get guys to pay for stuff
Better tips in service jobs

Disadvantages of being female in America
Real PMS
We get knocked up!
We control a disproportionately small amount of the money
More prone to get STDs
The sexual double standard
More severe reaction to alcohol and drugs
Lack of political support
Secondary in medical research
Lack positions of power
Degraded more
Strong women are called "bitches"
Our worth is too connected to our looks

So decent answers, right? Good stuff for discussion.
Meanwhile, I'm watching the guys compile their lists and shaking my head or covering my mouth. When they've finished, I tell them to cross out everything that's a joke. They cross one out ("Men are always right"). Everything else remains. This is the uncensored version of what they really thought.

Advantages of being male in America
Get paid more
Can't get pregnant
Less emotional
Less chance to get fat
More dominate [sic]
Less time getting ready
Don't have to wear a shirt
More athletic, stronger
More sports records
Smarter
If we sleep with girls, we're pimps

Disadvantages of being male in America
Deal with women during PMS
Women are more organized
90% of the time we have to start the conversation
Good-looking women get free drinks
Don't live as long
No multiple orgasms
We have to pay child support
We have to wear condoms
We have to figure out what it means when women say "whatever"
Gold diggers
Less caring


I thought there was going to be bloodshed.
Needless to say, the discussion went over the allotted time and we will need to continue it next week. To the women's credit, they didn't get angry, despite outnumbering the guys 12 to 5. They could have taken us if they wanted to. The one they wanted to discuss first was how in the world the men could see "less emotional" as an advantage. As I pointed out in support of their question, the men were claiming it was an advantage to have a smaller range of acceptable emotional behavior. That doesn't make any sense, of course. A couple women said it was "sexy" if a man cried or showed his sensitive side. One of the guys (I kid you not) said, "More like faggish."
At this point I stopped the conversation and discussed why slurs were not allowed in my classroom. Then we continued.
The women kept saying, "Why don't they get it?" concerning the men's inability to see that they should express their emotions and that was what women wanted from them. This, of course, led into a good discussion of gender schemas and media messages and many other things that help us shape our gender identity.
But boy....do we have a lot of work to do.

I'm teaching Human Sexuality this semester. It's the first time it's ever been offered at CLC and I immediately requested the opportunity to teach it when I learned it was on the schedule. It's amazing to me that most people in my class (and I believe, most people under age 25) do not consider oral sex to be sex. Everyone has a different line of demarcation (interesting, that can be spelled with a c or a k) between sex and non-sex. Among those listed by my class:
1) Penetration is sex. Oral does not constitute penetration.
2) Pregnancy must be a possibility.
3) Disease transmission must be a possibility.
4) If the goal is orgasm, it's sex.
5) Two people must be doing something mutually to each other.
Of course, you can easily play devil's advocate with most of these points, and I do that liberally when I want to encourage my students to think critically about their own opinions. The problem with penetration is it means lesbians cannot have sex, unless one counts inorganic apparatus penetration, which is not exactly the typical lesbian sexual act. One girl said anal penetration doesn't count either, but when I asked if gay sex was sex, she conceded it was. How you count that as sex without counting heterosexual anal sex as sex is beyond me.
It's sad to me if the dividing line is the possibility of disease transmission. Of course, then vampiric acts involving no genital contact could be considered sex. If it just takes a goal of orgasm, then mutual masturbation is sex...and I wouldn't consider it to be.
The final criterion there engendered some good discussion. Oral sex doesn't count because it's just one person doing something to someone else? (This girl said that "69" still didn't count as sex even though it was mutually active and receptive, so that put some major holes in her stance.) I also mentioned one could make the argument that regular old missionary, vaginal, heterosexual sex was basically one person doing something to someone else. (I don't actually feel that oral, vaginal, anal, or any sort of sex is a simple giver-->recipient act, mind you.)
Interesting. Fascinating, actually. A good illustration of how definition of an issue can be an issue in itself. Defining poverty is a policy problem. Defining appropriate behavior is a policy problem. Why should defining sex be any different? I love this class.

My iTunes has a mere 27 songs to choose from for the following list.

Top Five Songs with a Track Length of 2:08
5. "King Tut," Steve Martin and the Toot Uncommons
One of the other things I find about being down in the lower track-length areas is that there are more novelty songs to choose from, and those do tend to rise to the top over decent but non-outstanding rock songs. This song is hilarious, but incomplete without the accompanying Saturday Night Live skit. Unfortunately, that's nowhere to be found on YouTube. He coulda won a Grammy.....buried in his jammies.

4. "Photographs and Memories," Jim Croce

This song speaks for itself. He was taken from us too young.

3. "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park," Tom Lehrer

Tom Lehrer might be the most brilliant satirical musician in history. His career was all-too-short, however. He only wrote a few dozen songs, many of which I've heard and adored-- "The Vatican Rag," "The Masochism Tango," "The Element Song," etc. Lehrer was a professor at UC-Santa Cruz and never quite finished his math Ph.D. from Harvard. This is a deviant little masterpiece.

2. "Wanted," Cranberries

Even if you can't normally stand the warbling of Dolores O'Riordan, this song is fairly straightforward and pleasant. It's a bit sped-up in the above live performance.

1. "Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois," Sufjan Stevens

Listen to this. The opener to Stevens' epic Illinois album, it's stunningly stark and beautiful especially when compared to the bombast of some other songs on the CD or the 17-piece orchestra that accompanies him in concert. It's probably the Sufjan song I find myself singing... to myself... most often. He is the best Christian songwriter out there, to me, because he doesn't shy away from the questions that occur to many Christians. He doesn't pretend life is always great or that God doesn't do/allow things that confuse and even anger us sometimes. That's sort of irrelevant, because this song is not about faith at all, actually; it's just gorgeous. A great song about the difficulties of faith: "Casimir Pulaski Day." The most crushingly sad, beautiful song ever written.

Moving on with my cool lightweight nerd music ranking project.
At the length of 2:07, I have 31 songs to choose from.

Top Five Songs with a Track Length of 2:07

5. "Permanent Holiday," The Suicide Machines
A good song by a solid pop-punk band with a Futurama-inspired name.

4. "Maine," John Linnell
John, half of They Might Be Giants, released an album called State Songs which is like a micro-Sufjan Stevens effort-- one song about each state instead of one album about each state. The songs are only ostensibly about the states whose names they bear. For instance, Iowa is a witch. Montana is a leg. Maine "is the devil you know, Maine is the heaven below, Maine at the top of the chart has crushed my evil heart."
This is an example of how some pop/rock songs can be like what you say to a puppy or an infant. The words matter as much to the audience as your blood type does. The tone and rhythm and emotion are all that get received. The opening two lines to this long made me laugh out loud, truly, the first time I heard them...

Relaxing on my hands and knees
Relaxing on my face
Reclining in the bear trap of its tender, warm embrace
Glazed with coniferous green
Glazed with excitement and dread

and it goes from there.

3. "They're Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!", Napoleon XIV

One of the best silly songs ever. That seems to be the 2:07 theme. Nothing like a tale of rejection leading to insanity to bring a smile to your day!

2. "Alright Alright," Sahara Hotnights

Saw these ladies perform this song on Conan and was instantly struck. The Donnas always seemed to be a gimmicky all-female band. Sahara Hotnights....all-female, all dark-haired (a superficial plus), and they got chops. Seriously.

1. "Iko Iko," Dixie Cups

(the above is a remake by The Belle Stars from Rain Man)
A classic oldie with a bunch of nonsense words.

Keeping my mind busy....let's just jump in.
There are 29 songs in this category. Best title of any song in this group? "Theme for a Pretty Girl That Makes You Believe God Exists," by Eels. Weirdest band name in this group? Buckshot LeFonque.

Top Five Songs with a Track Length of 2:06
5. "Lie Still, Little Bottle," They Might Be Giants

(A shorter, made-for-TV version)
Shake my shaky hand. Black coffee's not enough for me; I need a better friend.
For a guy who has never used drugs and drinks so rarely as to be just a notch or two above teetotaler, it's amusing to me how many songs I like deal with (in fire-and-brimstone-preacher's voice) the DEE-ya-mon ALCOHOL and its effects.
There's no time for metaphors, cried the little pill to me. She said life is a placebo masquerading as a simile.
TMBG can make nonsense sound quasi-intellectual...effortlessly. Ever seen a guy play two trumpets at once? Watch the video.

4. "Operation Rescue," Bad Religion

(Warning: lame homemade video by some kid...but you can listen to the song at least)
I promise these guys will become virtually invisible once we move into the 2:30-plus range. You may be tired of them. I like their righteous indignation and verbosity.

3. "Eleanor Rigby," The Beatles

All the lonely people....where do they all come from? Crap. This is a depressing song. I don't mind them most of the time-- but somehow, tonight I do.

2. "Million Bucks," All

A poppy punk song. I quoted the major line from the song as the title of an entry a while back. Please note that while this is a poppy punk song, that does not merit comparisons to Blink 182, who perform punky pop. There is a major difference in those descriptors, unlike what I thought in kindergarten when it struck me there was both a yellow-green crayon and a green-yellow crayon. Was it necessary to have both? Apparently Crayola thought so.
"Hey, we can bump it up to 62 colors if we add yellow-green and orange-red!! Oh, and that dark blue....let's call it cornflower just so kids end up thinking cornflour must be blue! What the hell, throw raw umber and burnt umber in there and make it 64....everyone likes powers of two."

1. "Planet of Sound," Pixies

(on the Pixies Sell Out reunion tour)
I remember Norah Utley telling me she could totally believe I was a Pixies fan when we were both at Carmel. She said I was smart enough to be in college, so it only made sense I would like college-radio darlings like Pixies. They were among my first forays into harder-edged alternative/indie genres, which eventually took me away from hard rock and more toward punk, postpunk and protopunk realms. No, wait, it wasn't Norah Utley. I don't think. Wasn't she the cute redhead in the class of '96 who actually informed me in French class that there was such a thing as a size zero waist? Who was the Nora(h) in the class of 1994? She ended up with her own short-lived music label, Dental Records. She was Christine Ranieri's friend and suffered from ironic uppitiness...which is a term I made up.
Ah, I now remember. It was Norah Utley, right? The cute redhead was Nora Dailey...or something like that. Mystery solved....I think.

Thanks for this, Tienne. I needed the laugh!